why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize