Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
