girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
