it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
