ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
