FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
