I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
