guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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