Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
