Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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