I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
