We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize