So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize