I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
