Please, let me fuck your mom
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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