just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
