My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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