Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
3 2 1 whiskey
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
