i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize