just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
