its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
