I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
