Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
