so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
