You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
