went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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