Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
