they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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