I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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