the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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