i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
