my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dick very happy bro
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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