I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
