i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
