im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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