I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am spending my child support on dildos
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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