Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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