Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
