If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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