never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
