I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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