In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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