Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
