I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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