what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
honey bunches of taint.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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