You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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