Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
