he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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