Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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