It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
