I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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