She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
