either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
