you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
