I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
