have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
