It's Friday. Sex?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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