Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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