I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
