You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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