is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
