I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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