You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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