If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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