i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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