ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
