I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
