You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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