i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
