Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
