How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
