its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
