Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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