Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
