So drunk its hurt
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
