I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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