You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
