She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In other news, I just burned my penis
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
