i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
