my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
